Cause and Infection
CAUSE.AND.INFECTION
Mental Illness5/11/2018 Mental illness seems like a loaded topic. Many people have very different views. I have heard that there is much stigma around mental illness. Honestly so many people I know are diagnoised with something, or probably could be if they were tested, I wonder where the stigma lies any more.
I was recieving treatment for an undiagnosed learning disability in elementary school. It seems like it was akin to dsylexia. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 11 and later Bipolar II at age 17. I have never believed if these were real or not due to their relatively mild nature. I am almost certain I have been dysthymic since I was 7-years-old. I became increasingly depressed in middle school to the point were I was constantly asking my friends to kill me in 8th grade. The turning point was when I was sent to the mental hospital at age 17. I was placed on a 5150. It was about a month before prom and I cracked. I went to Del Amo mental hospital, children’s ward. It terrified me. There were large African-American male staff whose job it was to keep order. Multiple times I day I saw them tackle and pin noncompliant, petite latina girls to the floor. They sounded scared and confused and screamed all the way down. Then the red haired nurse with the Eastern European accent “booty juiced” them. There limp tiny forms were placed in a small room with an observation window on the door. I hoped I would never end up in that situation. I got out. I went to prom. I graduated. A few months later my grandmother died. From 2010-2015 I spent my time on and off medication, bouncing from therapist to therapist. I would start medications that made me feel like a zombie and them quit after a month reporting they didn’t work for some reason or another. I went through three psychiatrists and over ten therapists. I was cursed at, threatened to be 5150’ed, and told what I was doing wrong. I have had difficulty finding someone I could really work with. In late 2012 I once again found myself on a 5150 and ended up at LB Community hospital in their adult psychiatric ward after a halfassed attempt, that was more despair than death wish. I finally decided to end my psychopharmic regimine in 2014. I mostly lost my manic symptoms and went back to being unipolarly depressed. I have become functionally stable and am striving to keep myself that way. Eventually I hope to be full functional and ever thriving. My experience partially motivated me to choose the career path I have. My struggles have been my own. I believe there are probably others out there who have faced similar struggles. I wish to help others, though it seems I may still need more help myself before I get to the point of being helpful. Archives
April 2020
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