Cause and Infection
CAUSE.AND.INFECTION
Caring is Creepy4/20/2020 When I think of this song I always think about the time my friend and I were on the drive and we were playing a game where we said a dudes name and pressed shuffle. The particular dude this song came on for made it hilarious. Caring is Creepy when it comes to that guy says my friends shuffled music. The music shuffles would always personally attack ya know?
Today has felt weird. I am on antibiotics for a tooth that I am going to need a root canal for due to a botched cavity filling. I have had a shit ton of dental work done throughout my life. I wasnt born with a full set of teeth. Two of my baby teeth were fused together and when the baby double tooth fell out only one adult tooth grew in its place. My teeth were all shifting to fill the gap and shifting my entire face with it. Luckily I grew up in a middle class family where I could afford to have the orthodontia and periodontal procedures to get me a permanent fake tooth. That process took a long ass time. I couldn’t get my fake tooth until I got my wisdom teeth out after I was 18. So I had braces and retainers with fake teeth glued to them until I was 14? Then they just glued a fake tooth to my other teeth. But they had to grind my teeth down to glue to fake tooth on. When I got my permanent fake tooth they put some filling in the back of the teeth they sanded down, but they didnt put enough. I got a cavity in one of those teeth and now Im gunna have to get a fake tooth for that one too. Its really fucking frustrating. Often I dont feel to strongly about most things other than not harming others. I feel exasperated with life right now. Which could be compounded by the current Stay At Home order situation. I finished Ijeoma Oulo’ “So You Want to Talk About Race”. It is a lot to imbed into my conscious. I have heard much of what she said before, but never quite in such a comprehensive way. I feel like I will be influenced by it, but that I am going to have to continually revisit this book to check myself. Intersectionality and speaking up and out and doing what is right to create a world where people are not systematically harmed. Systemic change to create safety and more equitable opportunities for those that have been oppressed by the culture of our Country. I have been listening to Caring is Creepy on repeat while I write this. I often get stuck on songs and sounds and have to repeat them till I have had my fill. Its compulsions like this that sometimes make me think I am on the spectrum. But since I have ADHD and dyslexia I am already an atypical. That would dictate that my corpus colosseum is thicker and I use both sides of my brain to process things, which is why things go askew sometimes. I have usually appreciated and celebrated my differences. My weird brain, my double tooth. I love the little things that make me different. I wouldn’t give them up for the world. This society does not appreciate these things as much though and I need special treatments and attention to correct these things that are considered deficits. I woulda lived with a hole where the tooth shoulda been if I coulda kept the damn thing open. It makes me feel uncomfortable that I need to rely on a society that benefits from slave labor and the dehumanization of others to live and have my “deficits” taken care of. I wish my brain felt a bit clearer. I wish the way was clearer to me to how I can be most effective helping others and bridging the gap of racial and all the intersectional inequalities. If Caring is Creepy then I don’t care. Imma be a motherfucking squawking bird if that feels like what is morally and ethically just to me. I just need to find my voice. IMMA SQUAWK FOR EQUITY!!!
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