Cause and Infection
CAUSE.AND.INFECTION
Chchchangeeeees4/6/2020 Turn to face the sTrAnGe chachachangeeees~ I love me some David Bowie Today I would like to talk about trauma. If this may cause you to be triggered please do something to take care of yourself. These are jus some ideas on a poster. Maybe you already have some self sooooothing things ya do. Now! On to the trauma brain stuff So as you can see trauma affects humans physiologically. It can change your brain and DNA. Which can then be subsequently passed down to offspring. When traumas occur is also super impactful. Ya see the human brain has different stages of development and at different times growing up we see the world in certain ways and can only comprehend so much. Human brains usually finish developing around the mid-twenties with the logic and reasoning skills in the prefrontal cortex. So like the brain part behind your forehead. So the younger traumas occur the more it changes the development of the brain. When trauma occurs during childhood it affects the development of the brain a bit differently than trauma that occurs as an adult cause our brains grow more as children. The chemicals and how they transit and receive info and how to process info. So when you see certain behaviors it could mean these things listed in the image above. For all y’all adults. This doesn’t give a free ride to do these things. I mean I know I do them too when I am having difficulty coping with the stresses of life. But no, I offer this list for those witnessing the behaviors that they might understand where it is coming from and help them process the stuff. For those of us who exhibit these behavior, welp, our behaviors are our responsibility and we gotta take the natural consequences that come with them and figure out how we want to change our behaviors. I mean if we wana change that is. I know I do! I dont want to chase people away with actin like a petulant child. All this overwhelming info might be informative and all, but yeah this is pretty heavy stuff. Which is partially why I put that selfcare list up at the top, but I have a bit more for ya today. So there was a bit more focus on childhood post traumatic stress disorder and that is because I am affected by it and so are a large majority of peeps I know. So Imma talk a little about one of my experiences sooo, Another Trigger Warning!!! Go do some selfcare and avoid reading this if ya need to.
When I was between the ages of 3 and 5 my aunts long term boyfriend used to make me sit in his lap. He would rub his thick wirey 90’s mustache against my ear and whisper that I am a pretty girl with his thumb rubbing my inner thigh. Whenever we went to my grandmas I would ask if he would be there. I was always so nervous that he would be there. One time I told my mom I dont like it when he touches me legs. Her only reply was to for me to tell him to stop. It made me frustrated and embarrassed to hear that because I would. He didnt always stop though. He was of a different culture so when I was trying to process this stuff last year I went and looked up if it was culturally acceptable to touch children’s legs. Turns out that is a big no-no in his culture!(according to the internet). He would have me sing and dance for him too, but like all the older male family members had me do that so I didn’t find that as weird?? So this one time my cousin from Japan came to visit and she was going to stay with my aunt and the guy. I wanted to spend more time with my cousin so the man asked my parents if I could sleep over. He was advocating for this pretty hard even after my parents agreed which made me kinda weirded out. I was a very self aware kid. My mom was carrying an extra white shirt for me cause I was a super messy kid. Off I went with them and my one extra tshirt! So we went back to the apartment in downtown LA. He suggested we go to the jacuzzi which was in the middle of the skyscraper thingy. I only had the extra white t-shirt. I ended up going in my panties and extra shirt. I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable as I tried to keep my shirt from floating up with all the bubbles and covering my Disney Princess panties. He kept trying to grab me and I would try to pretend to be flitting and floating around the jacuzzi having fun. I remember how windy it was on that super high up balcony and the freezing ride back down the elevator. After we watched some weird black and white art animation movie about this guy who had his hands cuffed so he couldnt make shadow puppets. I sat on the couch terrified and wanting to go home. I paced in the hallway of my aunts apartment till I was sobbing for her to take me home. I was scared shitless and I didnt know why. I cried all the way as my aunt drove me home. I felt so bad that I made her drive me all the way home from LA. But I was positive something terrible would have happened if I staid. I didnt talk about this till I was in my mid twenties. When the brain settles down growing! Aha! I told my partner and my mom. My mom was sad, but I am super glad I told her. The man was also abusing my aunt and disappeared from my family’s life at the beginning of this year after my aunt was moved to a nursing home because of his neglect and mistreatment of her. all the images came from pinterest and they are not necessarily godgiven truths about anything. Look stuff up for yourself too!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply.Archives
April 2020
Categories |